Diane Nelson: An Open Letter

Hi Diane Nelson (and everybody)!
Congratulations on your new job as DC Entertainment President! I am excited to have you join the DC Nation to bring our favorite characters to the big screen!
I believe that the confidence which Jeff Robinov has in you is well-founded and that the many years of Development Hell for DC at the movies has at last come to a merciful end!
It is not the comics which you have read that matters, it is the passion that you bring to the table which will prove the key to your greatest successes at the newly minted DC Entertainment!
Now, me, I am passionate about Wonder Woman!
But there you are, sitting at your new desk with your In Box overflowing, overlooking the smoggy L.A. Basin, and perhaps you are wondering:
"I've got the job, now what? Maybe I should start small and inconspicuously. DC has thousands of characters to choose from! Constantine performed pretty well, for us. Maybe I should call Keanu for a sequel! Talking babies are always big box office. Maybe a movie about Sugar N' Spike? What this town really needs is a family comedy without a blackout drunk. I should greenlight Angel and the Ape!"
What would Wonder Woman do in your shoes?
"Be brave! Be bold! Pick me!"
All kidding aside, the active titles that are now under your control are easily characterized, as they fall under 7 basic genres:
HORROR - Constantine
SPACE OPERA - Green Lantern
MYSTERY - Madame Xanadu
FANTASY - Fables
ENSEMBLE DRAMA - Teen Titans
POLITICAL DRAMA - Ex Machina
SUPERHERO - Wonder Woman
Yes, there she is, again!
Diane Nelson, you have been brought in to deliver tentpoles, and that is how it should be! Your movie projects should support TV shows, DVDs, websites, videogames, toys, licensing, theme park attractions, CDs, concerts, books and merchandising like:
Toothbrushes
Sleeping Bags
T Shirts and
Charm Bracelets
As far as licensing goes, Wonder Woman is already in the pipeline! You have the great artist Jose Luis Garcia Lopez on your Licensed Merchandise payroll who has strong experience illustrating our favorite Amazon ever since the tabloid comic Superman VS Wonder Woman back in 1978! For a more recent example of his work, check out Jose Luis Garcia Lopez illustrating the terrific Metal Men feature with Dan Didio; yes, THAT Dan Didio; in DCs Wednesday Comics!
If you don't believe me, ask Paul Levitz!
Diane Nelson, you have worked at Disney, so you have a keen understanding of multi-platforming. You have overseen the Harry Potter movies from the beginning, so you have been wildly successful at converting one medium to another medium.
This is the job that you were born to do, Diane Nelson, and we are lucky to have you doing it for DC Entertainment!
Woo woo!
You might agree with me that the R-rated market for movies has been dwindling for the last decade, and that the under-performance of "Watchmen" might well have resulted from that inexorable trend.
You might find, as I do, that the gift of the PG-13 rating; given to us by Steven Spielberg with his "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" release; is the gift that DC Entertainment should take full advantage of with its' tentpoles!
You might think, like myself, that if PG-13 was good enough for "Live Free or Die Hard", then that it is more than good enough for DC Entertainment!
Like most popular entertainments, comics characters are not endlessly malleable. These characters live by certain rules and require certain characteristics to be enduringly popular. These characters are commonly:
Earnest
Grounded
Attractive
Accessible
Confident
Charismatic and
Graceful
Now, you may be thinking that,
"Batman is traumatized. Superman is orphaned. Spider-Man is guilt-ridden. Iron Man is an alcoholic. Hulk is a schizophrenic. The Fantastic Four are mutated beyond recognition. The X-Men are hounded. How do any of these successful movies reflect those values which Brad has listed above?"
Of course, the answer is: they don't!
The best comics character for the movies is waiting for her close-up!
Say it with me: Wonder Woman!
Woo woo!
Wonder Woman has the potential to be the Miley Cyrus Tentpole of comics movies!
Lest we confuse "well-adjusted" with "vanilla", let us remember that vanilla has served Miley very well, so far! Vanilla can make a good girl a lot of green, which is what a tentpole is all about!
What Wonder Woman lacks in storm and stress, she more than makes up for in sass and specificity:
1) Her creator; William Moulton Marston; melded Wonder Woman's backstory to Ancient Rome and the Greek gods. This gives Wonder Woman instant legitimacy as a warrior and as a self-supporting female archetype.
Wonder Woman is not a jewel thief (Catwoman), a rogue assassin (Elektra), or a freelance archeologist surrounded by nerds(Lara Croft: Tomb Raider).
Wonder Woman knows who she is (an Amazon princess), knows what she wants (a world at peace) and knows how to get it (stop Ares from starting another World War)!
2) When World War II broke out, Wonder Woman's comics were completely invested in that war effort. This made Wonder Woman a cultural staple equal to Rosie the Riveter and an enduring source of inspiration to iconic feminist Gloria Steinem.
How much moreso will a Wonder Woman movie inspire embattled girls around the world, today?
3) Wonder Woman uses violence only as a last resort and always tries to rehabilitate her adversaries. This completely distinguishes Wonder Woman from every other action character.
Wonder Woman has the selflessness of a hero, the high style of a supermodel, and the moves of a ninja: a killer combination if ever a one there was!
Wonder Woman: accept no substitutes!
Wonder Woman: let us Greenlight no other DC Entertainment project before her!
When Wonder Woman was created in 1941, she was so far ahead of her time that she instantly became a publishing phenonmenon: now her time has properly come to likewise rule the tentpole!
Woo woo!
Wonder Woman has the courage of Harry, the sureness of Hermione, and the empathy of Ron! Diane Nelson, you know it is true!
Woo woo!
Wonder Woman has a perfect personality, a busy schedule and the grandfather from Hell!
Wonder Woman was made from sacred clay to uncoil her magic lasso and to stop the greatest threat of all time!
Who's that wearing them fancy boots?
Wonder Woman!
What time is it?
Wonder Woman time!
When the gods cry "war!", who are you gonna call?
Wonder Woman, say it loud!
Woo woo!
Diane Nelson, you can bring your namesake; Princess Diana; to the big screen!
Wonder Woman will become the next great tentpole for DC Entertainment! I have the three excellent screenplays:
Wonder Woman: AMAZONS!
Wonder Woman: ARRIVES!
Wonder Woman: ARES!
You have the power, Diane Nelson! Hear the voice of Athena at ringside:
"Welcome to the thrillah in Thymescira! In that corner, the unstoppable god of bloodlust! In this corner, our All Star Sensation from the DC Nation! Have you got your soda? Do you have your buttered popcorn? Are you ready to rumble?"
Wonder Woman is!
Woo woo!
Let us make this happen, Diane Nelson! I am at your service!
Sincerely,
Brad S Barnes
And to everybody else, be good and I'll talk to you, soon!
Brad